SAVAGE VOICES CONCERN ABOUT MUSLIMS, GAYS, OBAMA, AND TOY DOGS
On the July 2 edition of his nationally syndicated radio show, discussing
the recent terror-related arrests in Britain, radio host Michael Savage
said, "[W]hen I see a woman walking around with a burqa, I see a Nazi,"
adding, "That's what I see -- how do you like that? -- a hateful Nazi who
would like to cut your throat and kill your children." Savage also said that
when a Muslim woman wears a burqa, "She's doing it to spit in your face.
She's saying, 'You white moron, you, I'm going to kill you if I can.' "
Savage doesn’t stop there. He then went on to discuss an equally threatening
group: toy dogs.
“What, do you want me to mince words here?” yells Savage. “Chihuahuas, go
back to Mexico. You broke into this country. I see a Chihuahua, and you know
what I think? He’s thinking, ‘you gringo moron, you, yo quiero YOUR JOB‘!”
“And it’s not just Chihuahuas, you got your pugs coming in from East Asia,”
continues Savage. Sure, they’re known for being docile, social, intelligent,
and good with kids, but that’s just so they can hide amongst us, earn our
trust. Who knows how many knives he’s gotten hidden under those folds of
skin? And why do we call them intelligent? Cause they’re pugs? Gee pug, did
you figure out something I don’t know already? What did you discover that
makes you so intelligent? Why don’t you go back to your home country and
make a bomb. And take the Pekeningese back with you. People call it a little
playful, boisterous dog? Please, that thing’s a member of the homosexual
mafia. All toy dogs, get rid of ‘em. They’re all brainwashed by Muslims,
just like Mr. Barack Hussein Obama.”
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Tony Sam - 7/7/07
Irish bookie pays out as cops bust 'wrong' Gore
Original story on CNN.com
DUBLIN, Ireland-- An Irish bookmaker who offered 14-to-1 odds that Al Gore would be the next high-profile American to be arrested paid out on Friday after police detained the former vice president's son, also named Al.
Having not specified which Al bettors could back, Paddy Power said some of the 50 or so people who placed money on the rank outsider being arrested had been quick to claim their winnings, and then promptly piss away all the money on room temperature beer and cigarettes.
The "bizarre coincidence" would cost it more than $13,600.
Al Gore III, 24, was stopped for speeding on Wednesday and arrested for drug possession after a sheriff's deputy smelled marijuana and searched his car.
Gore when questioned stated, “ How dare you bark at me like some junkyard dog, I am the son of the former Vice-President of the United States!” Then Gore started barking and panting, and offered the arresting officers free copies of "his daddy's movie" an “Inconvenient Truth”. He also apparently claimed he could get them, “in the sack” with Mellisa Etheridge even though she was in his words, “ a Bull Dike”.
Paddy Power had ranked President Bush and Bill Gates among the outsiders on odds of 33-to-1 and 50-to-1 respectively. These odds did not include that of Bush making an even bigger asshole out of himself by saying or doing something stupid, in which the odds to that are 100-to-1.
Original story on CNN.com
DUBLIN, Ireland-- An Irish bookmaker who offered 14-to-1 odds that Al Gore would be the next high-profile American to be arrested paid out on Friday after police detained the former vice president's son, also named Al.
Having not specified which Al bettors could back, Paddy Power said some of the 50 or so people who placed money on the rank outsider being arrested had been quick to claim their winnings, and then promptly piss away all the money on room temperature beer and cigarettes.
The "bizarre coincidence" would cost it more than $13,600.
Al Gore III, 24, was stopped for speeding on Wednesday and arrested for drug possession after a sheriff's deputy smelled marijuana and searched his car.
Gore when questioned stated, “ How dare you bark at me like some junkyard dog, I am the son of the former Vice-President of the United States!” Then Gore started barking and panting, and offered the arresting officers free copies of "his daddy's movie" an “Inconvenient Truth”. He also apparently claimed he could get them, “in the sack” with Mellisa Etheridge even though she was in his words, “ a Bull Dike”.
Paddy Power had ranked President Bush and Bill Gates among the outsiders on odds of 33-to-1 and 50-to-1 respectively. These odds did not include that of Bush making an even bigger asshole out of himself by saying or doing something stupid, in which the odds to that are 100-to-1.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tony Sam - 6/20/07
Stan Lee gets his own action figure…pasty white home-bodies rejoice!
LOS ANGELES - Comic-book fans already know Stan Lee is a Marvel legend. Now Hasbro is making it official.
The company will pay plastic tribute to the 84-year-old creator of Spider-Man, the Hulk, X-Men, Fantastic Four and other comic-book heroes by interpreting him as a 6-inch tall Marvel Legends action figure. The toy shows Lee’s likeness wearing khaki pants, a blue windbreaker, diaper and eyeglasses.
“We feel it’s long overdue that Stan Lee be immortalized as an action figure, much like the dozens of marvelous characters that he has created for years and years,” said Eric Nyman, Hasbro’s vice president of marketing. “We want to make it as true to life as possible, so the figure, will also be outfitted with a bottle of “hooch”, and a pocket full of paternity suits. My man Stan got around if you know what I am saying… you do right? Action figure is such a broad term, I mean Christ, this is a doll, an old man doll.” Hasbro plans to spend half a million dollars on production and marketing.
The doll has been described as “creepy”, and “stupid”, and “another victory for overweight nerds who won’t move out of the house”.
The doll will be given away to anyone who wants one for free. It looks to rival in popularity the Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld dolls.
In a related story Hasbro lost half a million dollars in production and marketing funds.
LOS ANGELES - Comic-book fans already know Stan Lee is a Marvel legend. Now Hasbro is making it official.
The company will pay plastic tribute to the 84-year-old creator of Spider-Man, the Hulk, X-Men, Fantastic Four and other comic-book heroes by interpreting him as a 6-inch tall Marvel Legends action figure. The toy shows Lee’s likeness wearing khaki pants, a blue windbreaker, diaper and eyeglasses.
“We feel it’s long overdue that Stan Lee be immortalized as an action figure, much like the dozens of marvelous characters that he has created for years and years,” said Eric Nyman, Hasbro’s vice president of marketing. “We want to make it as true to life as possible, so the figure, will also be outfitted with a bottle of “hooch”, and a pocket full of paternity suits. My man Stan got around if you know what I am saying… you do right? Action figure is such a broad term, I mean Christ, this is a doll, an old man doll.” Hasbro plans to spend half a million dollars on production and marketing.
The doll has been described as “creepy”, and “stupid”, and “another victory for overweight nerds who won’t move out of the house”.
The doll will be given away to anyone who wants one for free. It looks to rival in popularity the Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld dolls.
In a related story Hasbro lost half a million dollars in production and marketing funds.
Dan Polydoris - 6/20/07 #1
20TH ANNIVERSARY FOR STARBUCKS IN CHICAGO
CHICAGO, IL - Chicagoans this summer can celebrate 20 years of Starbucks with a limited edition drink honoring the Windy City. The drink itself is supposed to capture the spirit of Chicago, which is where Starbucks first expanded to from Seattle.
So since Tuesday, most commuters have now been seen holding the new specialty beverage, “The Hobo-Breath Rotten-Fish Latte.” It is available with sprinkles in two flavors, “Dead Cicada” or “Mayor Daley’s Pubes.” Both are exquisite, this reporter must say.
“We wanted something to really capture Chicago’s essence,” said a spokesperson for Starbucks. “There was a little trouble accurately attaining the aroma of a bum’s half-dead whisky burps, but we are rather pleased with the result.”
As for the scent of fish decaying on a beach? “For that one,” the Starbucks VP of marketing informed me, “We used Lake Michigan water. It’s actually a combo of dead fish and feces that you’re tasting when you drink it.” During the interview, I threw up.
#####################################################################################
NATIONAL STATISTICS
The circumcision rate in the United States has dropped from 90% to 57%.
However, American men are 90% more likely to show you their penises in a mall if you lie and tell them you’re gathering “national statistics.”
It is 0% likely that I’ll ever be let back into that mall.
But it is 100% more likely that my girlfriend is going to get pissed when she finds out I got caught at the mall asking to see dudes’ penises again.
This joke is 50% true.
(Figures analyzed by Dan P)
CHICAGO, IL - Chicagoans this summer can celebrate 20 years of Starbucks with a limited edition drink honoring the Windy City. The drink itself is supposed to capture the spirit of Chicago, which is where Starbucks first expanded to from Seattle.
So since Tuesday, most commuters have now been seen holding the new specialty beverage, “The Hobo-Breath Rotten-Fish Latte.” It is available with sprinkles in two flavors, “Dead Cicada” or “Mayor Daley’s Pubes.” Both are exquisite, this reporter must say.
“We wanted something to really capture Chicago’s essence,” said a spokesperson for Starbucks. “There was a little trouble accurately attaining the aroma of a bum’s half-dead whisky burps, but we are rather pleased with the result.”
As for the scent of fish decaying on a beach? “For that one,” the Starbucks VP of marketing informed me, “We used Lake Michigan water. It’s actually a combo of dead fish and feces that you’re tasting when you drink it.” During the interview, I threw up.
#####################################################################################
NATIONAL STATISTICS
The circumcision rate in the United States has dropped from 90% to 57%.
However, American men are 90% more likely to show you their penises in a mall if you lie and tell them you’re gathering “national statistics.”
It is 0% likely that I’ll ever be let back into that mall.
But it is 100% more likely that my girlfriend is going to get pissed when she finds out I got caught at the mall asking to see dudes’ penises again.
This joke is 50% true.
(Figures analyzed by Dan P)
Josh Cheney - 6/20/07
Less than 24 hours after Tiger Woods finished second
at the U.S. Open on Father�s Day, his wife gave birth
to a daughter (not a cub). Woods announced on his Web
site " www.tigerwoods.com " that Sam Alexis Woods was
born early Monday morning. Ten fingers, ten toes and
so far no tail or whiskers.
"Both Elin and Sam are doing well and resting
peacefully," Woods wrote. "We want to thank our
doctors and the hospital staff for all their dedicated
and hard work. This is truly a special time in our
lives and we look forward to introducing Sam to our
family and friends over the next few weeks. We thank
everyone for their well wishes and continued respect
of our privacy." Tiger then let out a booming roar,
startled his new son, and filmed another Nike
commericial.
#######################################################
According to a study by the National Health and Social
Life Survey, the U.S. circumcision rate peaked at
nearly 90% in the early 1960s but began dropping in
the '70s. Snip-snip. By 2004 about 57% of all male
newborns delivered in hospitals were circumcised. In
some states, the rate is well below 50%.
Experts say immigration patterns play the biggest role
in the decline. Conversely, Barbara Streisand played
the biggest role of her life in the film Yentil.
Yentil was Jewish and Jewish people are typically
circumcized, so. The trend has also accompanied a
change in Americans� attitudes toward medicine and
their bodies. And everyone knows the best medicine is
to cut off the excess, unused skin on a man's penis.
#######################################################
The much anticipated Apple iPhone is scheduled to
release on June 29th, lest God becomes angry. The
expectations of the phone are still rolling high, but
some critics are railing against its key features and
casting doubt/shame on the big gamble of Apple.
Bloggers have dubbed it the "Jesus phone". some
analysts have named it the "most anticipated consumer
product in the history of time. Except, maybe, food.
That kind of anticipation you don't see anymore.
You're talkin' pre-Jesus stuff, there. Did we mention
we've started calling it the Jesus phone? Well we
are."
Choosing to stay ahead of increasing demands, the
iPhone will also rub your back, make chili and help
with anxiety issues you may be experiencing with a
sibling. "Apple. Is there anything else we can do
for you? Oh, look. We've already done it."
at the U.S. Open on Father�s Day, his wife gave birth
to a daughter (not a cub). Woods announced on his Web
site " www.tigerwoods.com " that Sam Alexis Woods was
born early Monday morning. Ten fingers, ten toes and
so far no tail or whiskers.
"Both Elin and Sam are doing well and resting
peacefully," Woods wrote. "We want to thank our
doctors and the hospital staff for all their dedicated
and hard work. This is truly a special time in our
lives and we look forward to introducing Sam to our
family and friends over the next few weeks. We thank
everyone for their well wishes and continued respect
of our privacy." Tiger then let out a booming roar,
startled his new son, and filmed another Nike
commericial.
#######################################################
According to a study by the National Health and Social
Life Survey, the U.S. circumcision rate peaked at
nearly 90% in the early 1960s but began dropping in
the '70s. Snip-snip. By 2004 about 57% of all male
newborns delivered in hospitals were circumcised. In
some states, the rate is well below 50%.
Experts say immigration patterns play the biggest role
in the decline. Conversely, Barbara Streisand played
the biggest role of her life in the film Yentil.
Yentil was Jewish and Jewish people are typically
circumcized, so. The trend has also accompanied a
change in Americans� attitudes toward medicine and
their bodies. And everyone knows the best medicine is
to cut off the excess, unused skin on a man's penis.
#######################################################
The much anticipated Apple iPhone is scheduled to
release on June 29th, lest God becomes angry. The
expectations of the phone are still rolling high, but
some critics are railing against its key features and
casting doubt/shame on the big gamble of Apple.
Bloggers have dubbed it the "Jesus phone". some
analysts have named it the "most anticipated consumer
product in the history of time. Except, maybe, food.
That kind of anticipation you don't see anymore.
You're talkin' pre-Jesus stuff, there. Did we mention
we've started calling it the Jesus phone? Well we
are."
Choosing to stay ahead of increasing demands, the
iPhone will also rub your back, make chili and help
with anxiety issues you may be experiencing with a
sibling. "Apple. Is there anything else we can do
for you? Oh, look. We've already done it."
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Josh Cheney - 6/19/07
WASHINGTON - Indian gambling pulled in $25 billion in
2006, 11 percent more than the year before as the
industry's explosive growth outpaced Las Vegas.
Federal figures announced Monday, compiled from 387
tribal facilities in 28 states, show Indian gambling
revenue has nearly doubled in five years. "We're
still working on the numbers, but we believe it's safe
to say 'woo woo woo woo woo woo!'" commented Indian
revenue administrator Jonathan WhiteOaks.
Indian casinos brought in $12.8 billion from gambling
in 2001, $22.5 billion in 2005 and $25.1 billion in
2006, according to the National Indian Gaming
Commission.
"The continued growth is eye-opening considering the
tribal gaming industry is still relatively young,"
said commission Chairman Phil Hogen. Take that,
Vegas. Enjoy watching your taxes soar like
ghost-eagle.
2006, 11 percent more than the year before as the
industry's explosive growth outpaced Las Vegas.
Federal figures announced Monday, compiled from 387
tribal facilities in 28 states, show Indian gambling
revenue has nearly doubled in five years. "We're
still working on the numbers, but we believe it's safe
to say 'woo woo woo woo woo woo!'" commented Indian
revenue administrator Jonathan WhiteOaks.
Indian casinos brought in $12.8 billion from gambling
in 2001, $22.5 billion in 2005 and $25.1 billion in
2006, according to the National Indian Gaming
Commission.
"The continued growth is eye-opening considering the
tribal gaming industry is still relatively young,"
said commission Chairman Phil Hogen. Take that,
Vegas. Enjoy watching your taxes soar like
ghost-eagle.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Hannah Gansen - 6/17/07
Eddie Murphy Takes Paternity Test
Eddie Murphy submitted his DNA today in Beverly Hills, CA to determine if he
is the father of Spice Girl Mel B's baby. Test results were unclear,
however, when experts discovered his sperm to all be wearing fat suits.
"It was one of the most peculiar things," stated Dr. Robert Robertson. "The
first sperm I saw in a fat suit, it was funny. I literally laughed till I
stopped. But, when I saw the next one, and the next one after that, each in
a fat suit, it really wasn't that funny anymore. It was really more of the
same thing. One sperm in a fat suit would've been enough."
When approached by reporters about the bizzare test results, Murphy elluded
questioning by changing into a loveable animated character that provided
comic relief and humor the entire family could enjoy, including the parents,
who wonder if this man is the same Eddie Murphy they saw in Another 48 Hours
and Raw, before they became trapped by parenthood.
"Me and my buddies, we used to watch Raw, and see, we made a drinking game
of it. Every time Eddie dropped an f-bomb, we'd take a drink,"laughed
life-long Murphy fan, Mike Houston. "Man, we'd get pretty tanked." His face
suddenly became stern. "Now, first he's a dragon, then he's a donkey, and
then a donkey...yeesh, I can't drink to that."
Eddie Murphy submitted his DNA today in Beverly Hills, CA to determine if he
is the father of Spice Girl Mel B's baby. Test results were unclear,
however, when experts discovered his sperm to all be wearing fat suits.
"It was one of the most peculiar things," stated Dr. Robert Robertson. "The
first sperm I saw in a fat suit, it was funny. I literally laughed till I
stopped. But, when I saw the next one, and the next one after that, each in
a fat suit, it really wasn't that funny anymore. It was really more of the
same thing. One sperm in a fat suit would've been enough."
When approached by reporters about the bizzare test results, Murphy elluded
questioning by changing into a loveable animated character that provided
comic relief and humor the entire family could enjoy, including the parents,
who wonder if this man is the same Eddie Murphy they saw in Another 48 Hours
and Raw, before they became trapped by parenthood.
"Me and my buddies, we used to watch Raw, and see, we made a drinking game
of it. Every time Eddie dropped an f-bomb, we'd take a drink,"laughed
life-long Murphy fan, Mike Houston. "Man, we'd get pretty tanked." His face
suddenly became stern. "Now, first he's a dragon, then he's a donkey, and
then a donkey...yeesh, I can't drink to that."
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Bill Cruz - 6/14/07
Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'
Hank Plante
Reporting
CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.
Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb."
Edward Hammond, of Berkeley's Sunshine Project, had used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a copy of the proposal from the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio.
As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."
The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.
"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviewing the documents.
"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.
The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994.
"The Department of Defense is committed to identifying, researching and developing non-lethal weapons that will support our men and women in uniform," said a DOD spokesperson, who indicated that the "gay bomb" idea was quickly dismissed.
However, Hammond said the government records he obtained suggest the military gave the plan much stronger consideration than it has acknowledged.
"The truth of the matter is it would have never come to my attention if it was dismissed at the time it was proposed," he said. "In fact, the Pentagon has used it repeatedly and subsequently in an effort to promote non-lethal weapons, and in fact they submitted it to the highest scientific review body in the country for them to consider."
Military officials insisted Friday to CBS 5 that they are not currently working on any such idea and that the past plan was abandoned.
Gay community leaders in California said Friday that they found the notion of a "gay bomb" both offensive and almost laughable at the same time.
"Throughout history we have had so many brave men and women who are gay and lesbian serving the military with distinction," said Geoff Kors of Equality California. "So, it's just offensive that they think by turning people gay that the other military would be incapable of doing their job. And its absurd because there's so much medical data that shows that sexual orientation is immutable and cannot be changed."
(© MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
--- Yeah!
The Project was called: Dr. Manlove; or how I learned to relax and Love the Butt.
The experimental chemical to be used was dubbed RU4-69 and was comprised of:
Human Pheromones
Airborne Steroids
A 4 pack of Wild Berry Wine Coolers
Initial Testing found some rare, but serious side effects including:
Antiquing
Blower’s Cramp
A rare form of Corporal Tunnel Syndrome: A syndrome where you Tunnel Corporals.
And why is the Air Force Developing this Weapon? Isn’t this the Navy’s jurisdiction?
7.5 Million Dollars? Hey Air Force! Save some money and get an “Il Divo” CD, it has the same effect.
When will the Military learn that homosexuality is a natural biological occurrence most evident when you force 18 to 24 year old males to live, sleep, and shower together? Have we, as a society, learned nothing from “Top Gun?”
I believe it was Bill Cruz who once said…
“He who strives to destroy homosexuality will only succeed in creating it.”
Hank Plante
Reporting
CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.
Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb."
Edward Hammond, of Berkeley's Sunshine Project, had used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a copy of the proposal from the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio.
As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."
The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.
"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviewing the documents.
"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.
The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994.
"The Department of Defense is committed to identifying, researching and developing non-lethal weapons that will support our men and women in uniform," said a DOD spokesperson, who indicated that the "gay bomb" idea was quickly dismissed.
However, Hammond said the government records he obtained suggest the military gave the plan much stronger consideration than it has acknowledged.
"The truth of the matter is it would have never come to my attention if it was dismissed at the time it was proposed," he said. "In fact, the Pentagon has used it repeatedly and subsequently in an effort to promote non-lethal weapons, and in fact they submitted it to the highest scientific review body in the country for them to consider."
Military officials insisted Friday to CBS 5 that they are not currently working on any such idea and that the past plan was abandoned.
Gay community leaders in California said Friday that they found the notion of a "gay bomb" both offensive and almost laughable at the same time.
"Throughout history we have had so many brave men and women who are gay and lesbian serving the military with distinction," said Geoff Kors of Equality California. "So, it's just offensive that they think by turning people gay that the other military would be incapable of doing their job. And its absurd because there's so much medical data that shows that sexual orientation is immutable and cannot be changed."
(© MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
--- Yeah!
The Project was called: Dr. Manlove; or how I learned to relax and Love the Butt.
The experimental chemical to be used was dubbed RU4-69 and was comprised of:
Human Pheromones
Airborne Steroids
A 4 pack of Wild Berry Wine Coolers
Initial Testing found some rare, but serious side effects including:
Antiquing
Blower’s Cramp
A rare form of Corporal Tunnel Syndrome: A syndrome where you Tunnel Corporals.
And why is the Air Force Developing this Weapon? Isn’t this the Navy’s jurisdiction?
7.5 Million Dollars? Hey Air Force! Save some money and get an “Il Divo” CD, it has the same effect.
When will the Military learn that homosexuality is a natural biological occurrence most evident when you force 18 to 24 year old males to live, sleep, and shower together? Have we, as a society, learned nothing from “Top Gun?”
I believe it was Bill Cruz who once said…
“He who strives to destroy homosexuality will only succeed in creating it.”
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Ken Barnard - 6/13/07
Spiked Genitals Spur Beetle Evolution
The genitals of male beetles are extraordinarily spiny, helping to anchor the males inside females as they attempt to impregnate them. Unfortunately, these spikes damage the females, potentially compromising the entire reproductive mission.
Now scientists have discovered an evolutionary arms race with these beetle genitalia, with female genitals growing tougher the spinier the male genitals are. The speed at which genitals change in this battle of the sexes could help shed light on how new species evolve.
In the new research, evolutionary biologist Göran Arnqvist at Uppsala University in Sweden and his colleagues investigated seven species of beetles. A number of these species have more than 100 spikes on male genitals, while others have none.
Arnqvist and his colleagues found that as male genitals became spikier and more harmful, females evolved tougher genitals to defend themselves.
Scientists are hoping that the new findings can shed some light on how humans have evolved.
“We can now only guess as to how this research correlates to the evolution of man,” Arnqvist said, “For instance, humans may have evolved at a faster rate than beetles, because I can copulate with the spiniest of these creatures and not be harmed.”
Arnqvist was later seen putting lipstick on a beetle he referred to as Stephanie, before continuing his “research,” which consisted of dinner and drinks at a local discothèque.
The genitals of male beetles are extraordinarily spiny, helping to anchor the males inside females as they attempt to impregnate them. Unfortunately, these spikes damage the females, potentially compromising the entire reproductive mission.
Now scientists have discovered an evolutionary arms race with these beetle genitalia, with female genitals growing tougher the spinier the male genitals are. The speed at which genitals change in this battle of the sexes could help shed light on how new species evolve.
In the new research, evolutionary biologist Göran Arnqvist at Uppsala University in Sweden and his colleagues investigated seven species of beetles. A number of these species have more than 100 spikes on male genitals, while others have none.
Arnqvist and his colleagues found that as male genitals became spikier and more harmful, females evolved tougher genitals to defend themselves.
Scientists are hoping that the new findings can shed some light on how humans have evolved.
“We can now only guess as to how this research correlates to the evolution of man,” Arnqvist said, “For instance, humans may have evolved at a faster rate than beetles, because I can copulate with the spiniest of these creatures and not be harmed.”
Arnqvist was later seen putting lipstick on a beetle he referred to as Stephanie, before continuing his “research,” which consisted of dinner and drinks at a local discothèque.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Oldey Timey Robert Buscemi - 6/12/07
"This whole 'Pop Stand' business if for the BIRDS, I say!"
I shall address, in this blog entry here, the theme of Popular News.
The news of the day is not like it used to be in the Olde Days. Nooooo WAY!
Not like it was in Olden Times.
Today you have these young hotel baronesses drinking and driving and
shooting illicit movies and running around with rich money-making men and
giving you panty peeps for your more rude, pulpy magazine photos. That's the
"news" of the day! Hooooooo-WEE!
In my day, in Olden Times, things were MUCH different.
Why the news of the day might be that a beaver had finally bitten through a
log, and finally built his family a dam, and now they could swim underneath
it or stalk prey in it or look for fish, or prevent flooding, or CREATE
flooding, or whatever the hell those beavers used to build those damn dams
for!
The point is that THAT was your fancy “5 o’clock news” right there!
In my day, it might be the talk of the county that some palsied boy had
finally whittled himself a wooden whistle out of a cocoanut, so’s he could
call out to his caretakers when he was a’ frighted, or stalked by bears or
bullies! Why we’d save the little idiot child straight away then, wouldn't
we?!
What can you say for these people of TODAY on the other hand, I ask ye?!
Shame! Shame, I say!
But in my day, why it might be “headline-worthy” if some old man and some
old woman took a stroll across the town square! Especially if a dinosaur had
time-travelled forward just at that exact second and ate ‘em whole – bones
and all! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! Then dove back into his time-portal and got gone
with his old self!
Oh my gosh! Dead old people eaten by some daggone dinosaur!
Hallelujah! I’m gonna go get me some dinner!
Now THAT would be a good “Pop Stand” story!
None of this “Oooooooh, there’s a video game you just must see! Ooooooooh,
look at this moving picture show with its starlets and horseless carriages
getting into all kinds of pickles!”
None of this “Hey, did you see these presidential candidates? Each one of
'em out-goofies the next!”
Not in my day, boy. Give me “Ole’ Hickory,” Ole’ Andrew Jackson, shootin’
men on the White House lawn for failin’ to compliment his old lady’s
homemade lemonade-and-gin punch sufficiently.
THAT was news. THEM was the days.
All you young people today though?
Feh.
I’m through with you.
Hey though, would ya ...
Would you mind fetchin’ me out a bit of caribou jerky and a sasparilla soda
‘fore ye head out?
I’m ever so obliged to yuh.
Feelin’ peckish now. But more sleepy actually.
Ah yes, a nice nap will just …
About …
Fit …
The bill …
Up in heah ….
Dumb "Pop Stand" ... zzzzz ... nonsense!!!
SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
I shall address, in this blog entry here, the theme of Popular News.
The news of the day is not like it used to be in the Olde Days. Nooooo WAY!
Not like it was in Olden Times.
Today you have these young hotel baronesses drinking and driving and
shooting illicit movies and running around with rich money-making men and
giving you panty peeps for your more rude, pulpy magazine photos. That's the
"news" of the day! Hooooooo-WEE!
In my day, in Olden Times, things were MUCH different.
Why the news of the day might be that a beaver had finally bitten through a
log, and finally built his family a dam, and now they could swim underneath
it or stalk prey in it or look for fish, or prevent flooding, or CREATE
flooding, or whatever the hell those beavers used to build those damn dams
for!
The point is that THAT was your fancy “5 o’clock news” right there!
In my day, it might be the talk of the county that some palsied boy had
finally whittled himself a wooden whistle out of a cocoanut, so’s he could
call out to his caretakers when he was a’ frighted, or stalked by bears or
bullies! Why we’d save the little idiot child straight away then, wouldn't
we?!
What can you say for these people of TODAY on the other hand, I ask ye?!
Shame! Shame, I say!
But in my day, why it might be “headline-worthy” if some old man and some
old woman took a stroll across the town square! Especially if a dinosaur had
time-travelled forward just at that exact second and ate ‘em whole – bones
and all! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! Then dove back into his time-portal and got gone
with his old self!
Oh my gosh! Dead old people eaten by some daggone dinosaur!
Hallelujah! I’m gonna go get me some dinner!
Now THAT would be a good “Pop Stand” story!
None of this “Oooooooh, there’s a video game you just must see! Ooooooooh,
look at this moving picture show with its starlets and horseless carriages
getting into all kinds of pickles!”
None of this “Hey, did you see these presidential candidates? Each one of
'em out-goofies the next!”
Not in my day, boy. Give me “Ole’ Hickory,” Ole’ Andrew Jackson, shootin’
men on the White House lawn for failin’ to compliment his old lady’s
homemade lemonade-and-gin punch sufficiently.
THAT was news. THEM was the days.
All you young people today though?
Feh.
I’m through with you.
Hey though, would ya ...
Would you mind fetchin’ me out a bit of caribou jerky and a sasparilla soda
‘fore ye head out?
I’m ever so obliged to yuh.
Feelin’ peckish now. But more sleepy actually.
Ah yes, a nice nap will just …
About …
Fit …
The bill …
Up in heah ….
Dumb "Pop Stand" ... zzzzz ... nonsense!!!
SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Tony Sam - 6/12/07
Isaiah Washington Kicked Off Grey's! (Star Magazine)
ABC and Isaiah Washington’s rep have confirmed that he was not asked back to the hit series Grey's Anatomy for it’s fourth season next fall.
TV Guide's Michael Ausiello reports that the decision was due only in part to Washington's on-set troubles, and was a result of a "pattern of problematic behavior."
Washington’s publicist, Howard Bragman, says that Grey's creator Shonda Rhimes called Isaiah late Thursday and told him he would not be invited back to the show next season.
The decision to fire Washington came after an on set spats with co-star Patrick Dempsey, where Washington used the word “faggot” and forced T.R. Knight to come out to the public.
Washington has since apologized and even filmed a public service announcement for GLAAD. His publicist released this statement from Washington upon hearing the news: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."
Washington has gone as far as to take back his apology and openly refer to all homosexual persons as being “gayballs”.
“I’ll start my own show mutha^%$^%$”, said Washington, “Yippie Ki-Yah Muthafucka. We live in a country with walls, you need me on that wall.”
Washington went on to quote 30 other blockbuster movies.
Isaiah is to be replaced with a more reserved, less controversial choice, R. Kelly
ABC and Isaiah Washington’s rep have confirmed that he was not asked back to the hit series Grey's Anatomy for it’s fourth season next fall.
TV Guide's Michael Ausiello reports that the decision was due only in part to Washington's on-set troubles, and was a result of a "pattern of problematic behavior."
Washington’s publicist, Howard Bragman, says that Grey's creator Shonda Rhimes called Isaiah late Thursday and told him he would not be invited back to the show next season.
The decision to fire Washington came after an on set spats with co-star Patrick Dempsey, where Washington used the word “faggot” and forced T.R. Knight to come out to the public.
Washington has since apologized and even filmed a public service announcement for GLAAD. His publicist released this statement from Washington upon hearing the news: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."
Washington has gone as far as to take back his apology and openly refer to all homosexual persons as being “gayballs”.
“I’ll start my own show mutha^%$^%$”, said Washington, “Yippie Ki-Yah Muthafucka. We live in a country with walls, you need me on that wall.”
Washington went on to quote 30 other blockbuster movies.
Isaiah is to be replaced with a more reserved, less controversial choice, R. Kelly
Monday, June 11, 2007
David Angelo - 6/11/07
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/10/ftn/main2908476.shtml
Joe Lieberman is a fucking idiot
Sen. Joe Lieberman, perhaps the most pathologically insane congressman
serving, has strongly suggested the US use military force against Iran
- citing everything from nuclear weapons programs to interference in
Iraq. Says the senator: "We can tell them we want them to stop that,
but if there's any hope of the Iranians living according to the
international rule of law and stopping, for instance, their nuclear
weapons development, we can't just talk to them."
Let's start with the basics. Iran does not have a nuclear weapons
program. There is no evidence to support they are developing a
nuclear weapons program. Why is it that, not 5 years after the Iraq
WMD fiasco, this moron doesn't think twice about pointing fingers at
the Iranians and making wild claims about WMD. ZERO EVIDENCE to
support his position. The press, of course, eats it all up
unquestioningly. CNN now alternates coverage of "if we knew then what
we know now" apologetics with "Iran is an impending danger to us now
and we are unconcerned with what we don't know."
"If there's any hope of the Iranians living according to the
international rule of law..."
What a joke. They have adhered, practically to the letter, to the
Non-proliferation treaty. The US has violated it like R Kelly on a 13
year old (excuse the reference, but it is popstand.net). Joe
Lieberman is in no position to talk about abiding by international law
as he supports a completely illegal (as per international law)
invasion and occupation of Iraq. Lieberman adds: "If they don't play
by the rules, we've got to use our force, and to me that would include
taking military action to stop them from doing what they're doing."
The rule, of course, is "Do what Joe Lieberman says." If the
"rules"
were actually international law, then the US should be prepared for
"military action to stop [us] from doing what [we're] doing."
Iran does not scare me; this fucking wacko from Connecticut does.
Islamic Jihadists seem coldly rational by comparison.
Joe Lieberman is a fucking idiot
Sen. Joe Lieberman, perhaps the most pathologically insane congressman
serving, has strongly suggested the US use military force against Iran
- citing everything from nuclear weapons programs to interference in
Iraq. Says the senator: "We can tell them we want them to stop that,
but if there's any hope of the Iranians living according to the
international rule of law and stopping, for instance, their nuclear
weapons development, we can't just talk to them."
Let's start with the basics. Iran does not have a nuclear weapons
program. There is no evidence to support they are developing a
nuclear weapons program. Why is it that, not 5 years after the Iraq
WMD fiasco, this moron doesn't think twice about pointing fingers at
the Iranians and making wild claims about WMD. ZERO EVIDENCE to
support his position. The press, of course, eats it all up
unquestioningly. CNN now alternates coverage of "if we knew then what
we know now" apologetics with "Iran is an impending danger to us now
and we are unconcerned with what we don't know."
"If there's any hope of the Iranians living according to the
international rule of law..."
What a joke. They have adhered, practically to the letter, to the
Non-proliferation treaty. The US has violated it like R Kelly on a 13
year old (excuse the reference, but it is popstand.net). Joe
Lieberman is in no position to talk about abiding by international law
as he supports a completely illegal (as per international law)
invasion and occupation of Iraq. Lieberman adds: "If they don't play
by the rules, we've got to use our force, and to me that would include
taking military action to stop them from doing what they're doing."
The rule, of course, is "Do what Joe Lieberman says." If the
"rules"
were actually international law, then the US should be prepared for
"military action to stop [us] from doing what [we're] doing."
Iran does not scare me; this fucking wacko from Connecticut does.
Islamic Jihadists seem coldly rational by comparison.
David Angelo - 6/11/07
http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3264588&page=1
Hanoi Hilton Finds God
In an exclusive interview with bewildered elderly lady Barbara
Walters, Paris Hilton says that she has found God while in prison.
Apparently God, guilty of tax evasion, is also doing time in the
women's clink (a symbolic victory for both the IRS and feminists).
While Hilton may have fooled that old broad into sending her a few
boxes of squares, it is a fun thought to think of Paris Hilton going
through the whole Islam/prison experience after 10 days doing lady
time. I will support a islamic militant Paris Ali Jinnah upon
release. That would be pretty sick.
Hanoi Hilton Finds God
In an exclusive interview with bewildered elderly lady Barbara
Walters, Paris Hilton says that she has found God while in prison.
Apparently God, guilty of tax evasion, is also doing time in the
women's clink (a symbolic victory for both the IRS and feminists).
While Hilton may have fooled that old broad into sending her a few
boxes of squares, it is a fun thought to think of Paris Hilton going
through the whole Islam/prison experience after 10 days doing lady
time. I will support a islamic militant Paris Ali Jinnah upon
release. That would be pretty sick.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Tony Sam - 6/9/07
Three-thousand bees force evacuation of fundraiser
LIGONIER, Indiana (AP) -- A swarm of honeybees temporarily disrupted a charity fundraising event, but no one reported being stung. (Thank heavens!)
Authorities evacuated the area Saturday after the swarm of about 3,000 bees emerged from the woods around the West Noble High School football field, where 700 people were participating in a fundraising walk for the American Cancer Society.
The bees landed on a large umbrella shading the campsite.
A local beekeeper, Matt Green, used a smoke machine to calm the bees and coax them into a beehive he brought to the field. The event was delayed about 45 minutes. Matt, made several failed attempts to remove the bees, including playing a magic flute, which only attracted rats, and constructing a mini bee circus, in which his plan was to entertain the bees, and than persuade them to leave having, “seen a good show”.
Fundraiser official, Jerry Slocumb, said “In hindsite it was probably a bad idea to print on the top of the umbrellas, “Welcome Bee’s!”” In a related story Muncie man Gordon Blart, a world record holder, was missing his beard of bees.
After the bees were rounded up and put to death, officials were quoted as saying,” O.K., we think we have all 3000 bees, start giving money again”
LIGONIER, Indiana (AP) -- A swarm of honeybees temporarily disrupted a charity fundraising event, but no one reported being stung. (Thank heavens!)
Authorities evacuated the area Saturday after the swarm of about 3,000 bees emerged from the woods around the West Noble High School football field, where 700 people were participating in a fundraising walk for the American Cancer Society.
The bees landed on a large umbrella shading the campsite.
A local beekeeper, Matt Green, used a smoke machine to calm the bees and coax them into a beehive he brought to the field. The event was delayed about 45 minutes. Matt, made several failed attempts to remove the bees, including playing a magic flute, which only attracted rats, and constructing a mini bee circus, in which his plan was to entertain the bees, and than persuade them to leave having, “seen a good show”.
Fundraiser official, Jerry Slocumb, said “In hindsite it was probably a bad idea to print on the top of the umbrellas, “Welcome Bee’s!”” In a related story Muncie man Gordon Blart, a world record holder, was missing his beard of bees.
After the bees were rounded up and put to death, officials were quoted as saying,” O.K., we think we have all 3000 bees, start giving money again”
Friday, June 8, 2007
David Angelo - 6/8/07
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=3250752
All US Media Essentially A High School Paper
As has been widely reported, Mike Huckabee made the unforgiveable
mistake of getting Ronald Reagan's birthday wrong at the 3rd
republican presidential debate. He identified June 5 as the former
president's brithday, when - in fact it is the anniversary of the day
he died. Whoa, talk about career ending gaffe.
Huckabee remarked about the confusion "Actually it was the date of his
death and not his birth, and just an absolute error on my part." An
absolute error. He jokingly added that he "can take [his] medicine
and try not to make the same [mistake] twice."
I wonder if that medication is also the cause of his position on
evolution - which the governor does not believe in. His big mistake
was getting demigod Reagan's birthday wrong - not that he disavows
science altogether.
The media likes to jump on such ridiculous stories.
No mention at abcnews of Mitt Romney's assertion that Iraq refused to
allow UN inspectors into the country - an act of defiance which Romney
further explains justified the invasion. Of course, the simplest
google search will reveal that Saddam did allow Hans Blix unrestricted
access, but the ever-amnestic government-sponsored US media seems to
have forgotten about that.
Get Reagan's brithday wrong, and you are laughed out of Washington.
Nevermind that Reagan probably wouldn't have known himself. Get basic
facts relating to the worst military mistake in the modern era, and
the news will turn a blind eye. If that's our perfect system, then I
am moving to Iraq.
All US Media Essentially A High School Paper
As has been widely reported, Mike Huckabee made the unforgiveable
mistake of getting Ronald Reagan's birthday wrong at the 3rd
republican presidential debate. He identified June 5 as the former
president's brithday, when - in fact it is the anniversary of the day
he died. Whoa, talk about career ending gaffe.
Huckabee remarked about the confusion "Actually it was the date of his
death and not his birth, and just an absolute error on my part." An
absolute error. He jokingly added that he "can take [his] medicine
and try not to make the same [mistake] twice."
I wonder if that medication is also the cause of his position on
evolution - which the governor does not believe in. His big mistake
was getting demigod Reagan's birthday wrong - not that he disavows
science altogether.
The media likes to jump on such ridiculous stories.
No mention at abcnews of Mitt Romney's assertion that Iraq refused to
allow UN inspectors into the country - an act of defiance which Romney
further explains justified the invasion. Of course, the simplest
google search will reveal that Saddam did allow Hans Blix unrestricted
access, but the ever-amnestic government-sponsored US media seems to
have forgotten about that.
Get Reagan's brithday wrong, and you are laughed out of Washington.
Nevermind that Reagan probably wouldn't have known himself. Get basic
facts relating to the worst military mistake in the modern era, and
the news will turn a blind eye. If that's our perfect system, then I
am moving to Iraq.
Dan Polydoris - 6/8/07
PARENTS CRITICIZE SOFTWARE COMPANY’S NEW “EDUCATIONAL GAMES”
SAN BERNARDINO, CA - Rock Star Games, the company responsible for the ultra-violent Grand Theft Auto series, has issued a series of non-aggressive and educational video games. Parents who opposed the violence in Rock Star’s previous games, have met the new line-up with surprisingly harsh criticism.
Most of the controversy lies with the game titled Anus: The Video Game. Gloria Winthrop, who threw out her son’s PS2 due to the violence in all the games, feels the educational aspects of this particular game are lacking.
“I understand the benefits of learning the human anatomy,” Gloria claims. “But why do children need to play a game where they remove a cyst from the lining of an external anal sphincter. It’s just plain gross. And plus, the graphics aren’t even very good.”
Rock Star Games, however, is optimistic about their upcoming educational game: Janitor Adventures. The player of the game must maneuver the school janitor through the halls, and the object of the game is for him to figure out all of his health insurance forms. Parents are calling it “...ignorant and demeaning.”
A Rock Star Games spokesman issued a statement on Tuesday. “We think our new games are extremely helpful. People who disagree just need to play our latest game, Remove the Stick out of Your Own Ass: The Game.”
SAN BERNARDINO, CA - Rock Star Games, the company responsible for the ultra-violent Grand Theft Auto series, has issued a series of non-aggressive and educational video games. Parents who opposed the violence in Rock Star’s previous games, have met the new line-up with surprisingly harsh criticism.
Most of the controversy lies with the game titled Anus: The Video Game. Gloria Winthrop, who threw out her son’s PS2 due to the violence in all the games, feels the educational aspects of this particular game are lacking.
“I understand the benefits of learning the human anatomy,” Gloria claims. “But why do children need to play a game where they remove a cyst from the lining of an external anal sphincter. It’s just plain gross. And plus, the graphics aren’t even very good.”
Rock Star Games, however, is optimistic about their upcoming educational game: Janitor Adventures. The player of the game must maneuver the school janitor through the halls, and the object of the game is for him to figure out all of his health insurance forms. Parents are calling it “...ignorant and demeaning.”
A Rock Star Games spokesman issued a statement on Tuesday. “We think our new games are extremely helpful. People who disagree just need to play our latest game, Remove the Stick out of Your Own Ass: The Game.”
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Tony Sam - 6/7/07
She’s out! Paris to finish sentence at home
Hilton released from jail because of unspecified medical problem
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton was released from a Los Angeles County jail early Thursday because of an unspecified medical problem and will fulfill the remainder of her sentence for probation violation in home confinement, a sheriff’s spokesman said.
The 26-year-old hotel heiress was sent home shortly after 2 a.m. wearing an electronic monitoring ankle bracelet, sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said.
Hilton was sentenced to 45 days for violating her probation in a reckless driving case, but had been expected to serve 23 days in jail because of state rules allowing shorter sentences for good behavior.
Her new lockup is a four-bedroom, three-bathroom, Spanish-style home on .14 acres above the Sunset Strip.
“I can’t specifically talk about the medical situation other than to say that yes, it played a part in this,” Whitmore said.
Whitman went on to say, “ While I can’t talk about the condition I will say that is entirely made up, you know bullshit. When you have as much money as this family you can do what ever the fuck, whoops! Well, I just have to clear that up with some of their money. What was I saying, Oh, right…when you have as much fucking money, Jesus Christ! I can’t stop. The bitch has money do you understand?”
Upon returning home Paris bought a boat made of diamonds where upon, she grew bored of it moments later and had it destroyed by a much bigger boat made of fur coats.
Paris issued a statement saying, “ What? I’m hot…it’s hot in here duh…fart…Nicole? What?”
Somewhere a native american weeps.
Hilton released from jail because of unspecified medical problem
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton was released from a Los Angeles County jail early Thursday because of an unspecified medical problem and will fulfill the remainder of her sentence for probation violation in home confinement, a sheriff’s spokesman said.
The 26-year-old hotel heiress was sent home shortly after 2 a.m. wearing an electronic monitoring ankle bracelet, sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said.
Hilton was sentenced to 45 days for violating her probation in a reckless driving case, but had been expected to serve 23 days in jail because of state rules allowing shorter sentences for good behavior.
Her new lockup is a four-bedroom, three-bathroom, Spanish-style home on .14 acres above the Sunset Strip.
“I can’t specifically talk about the medical situation other than to say that yes, it played a part in this,” Whitmore said.
Whitman went on to say, “ While I can’t talk about the condition I will say that is entirely made up, you know bullshit. When you have as much money as this family you can do what ever the fuck, whoops! Well, I just have to clear that up with some of their money. What was I saying, Oh, right…when you have as much fucking money, Jesus Christ! I can’t stop. The bitch has money do you understand?”
Upon returning home Paris bought a boat made of diamonds where upon, she grew bored of it moments later and had it destroyed by a much bigger boat made of fur coats.
Paris issued a statement saying, “ What? I’m hot…it’s hot in here duh…fart…Nicole? What?”
Somewhere a native american weeps.
Hannah Gansen - 6/7/07
ROB LOWE: CALLOUS MURDERER
Actor Rob Lowe hit a goldfinch, the state bird of Iowa, while playing golf
in what appears to be an attack on the Hawkeye State.
The 43-year-old actor was hitting an approach shot on the fourth hole when
his ball hit a goldfinch, dropping about 50 yards short of the green, The
Des Moines Register reported.
As the rest of the players in his group broke out in laughter and applause,
Lowe raised his arms in mock celebration.
"That's my birdie," he said after looking at the bird, which lay motionless
on the ground.
"That's unbelievable. Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me."
Outrage has brokeout like wildfire across the state.
"I never knew what the state bird was," Iowa resident Bob Anderson said.
"Hell, I'm still not quite sure what a goldfinch looks like, probably kind
of golden. But you sure is hell don't just come on in a state and start
killing what's rightfully ours to kill..." trailing off momentarily to
collect himself. "That ain't right."
Lowe has been missing since the incident after being ran out of town by four
men in a Ford 1991 F-150. The four men have not yet been identified.
Actor Rob Lowe hit a goldfinch, the state bird of Iowa, while playing golf
in what appears to be an attack on the Hawkeye State.
The 43-year-old actor was hitting an approach shot on the fourth hole when
his ball hit a goldfinch, dropping about 50 yards short of the green, The
Des Moines Register reported.
As the rest of the players in his group broke out in laughter and applause,
Lowe raised his arms in mock celebration.
"That's my birdie," he said after looking at the bird, which lay motionless
on the ground.
"That's unbelievable. Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me."
Outrage has brokeout like wildfire across the state.
"I never knew what the state bird was," Iowa resident Bob Anderson said.
"Hell, I'm still not quite sure what a goldfinch looks like, probably kind
of golden. But you sure is hell don't just come on in a state and start
killing what's rightfully ours to kill..." trailing off momentarily to
collect himself. "That ain't right."
Lowe has been missing since the incident after being ran out of town by four
men in a Ford 1991 F-150. The four men have not yet been identified.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Ken Barnard - 6/6/07
Rare monkey missing from Brazil zoo
SAO PAULO, Brazil
A rare Amazon monkey has gone missing from a Brazilian zoo and could harm biologists' efforts to repopulate the endangered species, zoo officials said Wednesday.
Workers arriving at the zoo Tuesday morning noticed the male pied tamarin was missing, and found a wrench and a coat left behind in its cage.
"We understand why the monkey has run away,” said Luiz Antonio da Silva Pires, director of the city zoo in Bauru, “Zoos in Brazil are shitholes. A Sao Paulo boy hooker wouldn’t be caught dead here. I mean, boy hookers have been found dead here, but, well, you know what I mean.”
"What I can’t understand is why the monkey left his coat and wrench behind. I don’t think he’ll get very far out in the real world without a wrench or coat. What’s he going to wear when it rains? What’s he going to do when he needs a wrench?” da Silva Pires added.
When asked if he thought the coat and wrench could belong to a person who kidnapped the monkey, the zookeeper seemed doubtful.
“I don’t know who would want him. He’s just a deadbeat rare monkey that never paid his rent. He was not as well mannered as the lion over th
SAO PAULO, Brazil
A rare Amazon monkey has gone missing from a Brazilian zoo and could harm biologists' efforts to repopulate the endangered species, zoo officials said Wednesday.
Workers arriving at the zoo Tuesday morning noticed the male pied tamarin was missing, and found a wrench and a coat left behind in its cage.
"We understand why the monkey has run away,” said Luiz Antonio da Silva Pires, director of the city zoo in Bauru, “Zoos in Brazil are shitholes. A Sao Paulo boy hooker wouldn’t be caught dead here. I mean, boy hookers have been found dead here, but, well, you know what I mean.”
"What I can’t understand is why the monkey left his coat and wrench behind. I don’t think he’ll get very far out in the real world without a wrench or coat. What’s he going to wear when it rains? What’s he going to do when he needs a wrench?” da Silva Pires added.
When asked if he thought the coat and wrench could belong to a person who kidnapped the monkey, the zookeeper seemed doubtful.
“I don’t know who would want him. He’s just a deadbeat rare monkey that never paid his rent. He was not as well mannered as the lion over th
Dan Polydoris - 6/6/07
PUMPED UP POULTRY WORRIES ORGANIC FARMERS
HAMMOND, IN - As the use of steroids to enhance poultry continues across the nation, Indiana’s organic poultry providers are finding it harder and harder to keep sales up. Organic farmers, such as Bob “Goody” Goodwin, feel that the drugs are more harmful than helpful.
“There are countless risks in pumping these animals full of steroids,” Goodwin warns. “While the poultry themselves may be bigger and more succulent, the negative effects of steroids are detrimental. More and more chickens are getting juiced up, getting in fights, beating their wives, and going to dangerous lengths to score more ‘roids,’ as they’re called on the streets.”
Other areas of Indiana have been tainted with steroid-abused poultry. Lafayette, New Buffalo, and Gary have reported incidents of chickens involved in gang violence, prostitution and robberies just to score the drug.
“The steroid use is becoming an epidemic,” Goody pleads. “One chicken broke into my house, stole my VCR, and traded it for steroids. How does that happen? The VCR weighs more than the chicken. And I can’t understand how it got the thing disconnected without even having thumbs. It really is a depressing state of affairs.”
Carl Sonenshine, of Sonenshine Poultry Farms, begs to differ. As the owner of one of the largest poultry providers in the US, Sonenshine feels that the benefits of steroids outweigh the negatives. “It can be put as simply as this,” Sonenshine states. “Times have changed, and there is no question at all that organic farming is for hippies and faggots.”
According to a statement from the USDA, which refuses to ban the agricultural use of steroids, organic farmers like Goodwin need to “grow a pair, get laid, and clean out their vaginas.”
Despite it all, Goodwin and other organic farmers stay positive. “We’re hopeful that people will wake up and realize steroids are unnecessary for poultry production. Maybe someday farmers will raise chickens the old fashioned way: with booze and cigarettes.”
HAMMOND, IN - As the use of steroids to enhance poultry continues across the nation, Indiana’s organic poultry providers are finding it harder and harder to keep sales up. Organic farmers, such as Bob “Goody” Goodwin, feel that the drugs are more harmful than helpful.
“There are countless risks in pumping these animals full of steroids,” Goodwin warns. “While the poultry themselves may be bigger and more succulent, the negative effects of steroids are detrimental. More and more chickens are getting juiced up, getting in fights, beating their wives, and going to dangerous lengths to score more ‘roids,’ as they’re called on the streets.”
Other areas of Indiana have been tainted with steroid-abused poultry. Lafayette, New Buffalo, and Gary have reported incidents of chickens involved in gang violence, prostitution and robberies just to score the drug.
“The steroid use is becoming an epidemic,” Goody pleads. “One chicken broke into my house, stole my VCR, and traded it for steroids. How does that happen? The VCR weighs more than the chicken. And I can’t understand how it got the thing disconnected without even having thumbs. It really is a depressing state of affairs.”
Carl Sonenshine, of Sonenshine Poultry Farms, begs to differ. As the owner of one of the largest poultry providers in the US, Sonenshine feels that the benefits of steroids outweigh the negatives. “It can be put as simply as this,” Sonenshine states. “Times have changed, and there is no question at all that organic farming is for hippies and faggots.”
According to a statement from the USDA, which refuses to ban the agricultural use of steroids, organic farmers like Goodwin need to “grow a pair, get laid, and clean out their vaginas.”
Despite it all, Goodwin and other organic farmers stay positive. “We’re hopeful that people will wake up and realize steroids are unnecessary for poultry production. Maybe someday farmers will raise chickens the old fashioned way: with booze and cigarettes.”
Hannah Gansen - 6/6/07
Porn Star Calls Tom Brady Sexiest Athlete
A porn star named Lisa Ann Taylor (also known as Melissa Wolf and "The
Mansion Madam") was commissioned by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution to name
her Top 5 sexiest athletes. You will not be surprised by who topped her
list:
1. Tom Brady, New England Patriots. Boy next door good looks, great smile.
Who was number two?
"Takeru Kobayashi, hot dog eating champion of the world, who ate 53 and 3/4
hotdogs in just 12 minutes, stated Taylor eyes wide with adoration. "When
you've been in biz this long, you know pure talent when you see it. Talent
is sexy."
A porn star named Lisa Ann Taylor (also known as Melissa Wolf and "The
Mansion Madam") was commissioned by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution to name
her Top 5 sexiest athletes. You will not be surprised by who topped her
list:
1. Tom Brady, New England Patriots. Boy next door good looks, great smile.
Who was number two?
"Takeru Kobayashi, hot dog eating champion of the world, who ate 53 and 3/4
hotdogs in just 12 minutes, stated Taylor eyes wide with adoration. "When
you've been in biz this long, you know pure talent when you see it. Talent
is sexy."
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Tony Sam - 6/5/07
Libby sentenced to 30 months in prison
Lewis Libby sentenced to 30 months in jail, $250,000 fine
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was sentenced Tuesday to 30 months in prison for lying to investigators looking into the leak of a CIA operative's identity.
He also was fined $250,000. Libby was convicted March 6 of four counts in a five-count indictment alleging perjury, obstruction of justice and making false statements to FBI investigators.
He plans to appeal the verdict. (Watch what led up to Libby's sentence Video)
Cheney released a statement after the verdict saying he is "deeply saddened" by his former aide and friend's conviction and he hopes that his appeal will "return a final result consistent with what we know of this fine man."
As Cheney spoke a teardrop froze to ice almost as quickly as it was created when it touched his heartless metal robot face.
Libby has served "tirelessly and with great distinction" in the State and Defense departments and in the White House, Cheney said.
“By great distinction, I mean secretly fucking the American people over time and time again.
Cheney then blasted a group of the Associated Press with his laser arm, and smashed through a wall for effect.
Lewis Libby sentenced to 30 months in jail, $250,000 fine
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was sentenced Tuesday to 30 months in prison for lying to investigators looking into the leak of a CIA operative's identity.
He also was fined $250,000. Libby was convicted March 6 of four counts in a five-count indictment alleging perjury, obstruction of justice and making false statements to FBI investigators.
He plans to appeal the verdict. (Watch what led up to Libby's sentence Video)
Cheney released a statement after the verdict saying he is "deeply saddened" by his former aide and friend's conviction and he hopes that his appeal will "return a final result consistent with what we know of this fine man."
As Cheney spoke a teardrop froze to ice almost as quickly as it was created when it touched his heartless metal robot face.
Libby has served "tirelessly and with great distinction" in the State and Defense departments and in the White House, Cheney said.
“By great distinction, I mean secretly fucking the American people over time and time again.
Cheney then blasted a group of the Associated Press with his laser arm, and smashed through a wall for effect.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Josh Cheney - 6/4/07
BAUTZEN, Germany - Three German teenagers have been
spared paying hefty damages after a court ruled it
could not prove an ostrich farmer's claim that their
festive firecrackers made one of his birds impotent.
Immediately following his ruling, the judge took one
of the boys aside and asked, "So, what, did you stick
'em up it's pee-hole?"
spared paying hefty damages after a court ruled it
could not prove an ostrich farmer's claim that their
festive firecrackers made one of his birds impotent.
Immediately following his ruling, the judge took one
of the boys aside and asked, "So, what, did you stick
'em up it's pee-hole?"
Ricky Carmona - 6/4/07
“World Cruise Control”,
Katie Holmes Reveling in Motherhood
Friday June 1 7:16 PM ET
Being the mother of Tom Cruise's baby daughter has been so much fun that Katie Holmes tells "Entertainment Tonight" she's ready to have more children.
"We're having the best time, it's so amazing," Holmes, 28, said of the year she and Cruise have spent largely out of the spotlight. She gave birth to the couple's first child, Suri, in April 2006.
"Yes, definitely," she told the TV program when asked about the possibility of more kids. “Why more children? We’re preparing the world for domination. World Cruise Control is upon you. You’ve been warned.” The interview airs Monday.
Cruise and his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, have a 12-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter, and Holmes said the role of stepmother/Queen-to-be is one she relishes.
"The kids are so sweet, they respond greatly to my role as future queen of the World Cruise Control movement. They’ve even given me a nickname, Queen Ki-Ki (pronounced Kee-kee she explains). I’ve accepted this name as you and all others soon will." she said. "We have so many kids in our house, creating an army of soldiers was practically a no-brainer."
The actress recently returned to work filming the movie "Mad Money" with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. However, we have been informed that Queen Latifah is no longer a part of the production. When asked why, an anonymous source close to the production informed us, “Katie insisted that there shall be only one Queen on this set. I think that b***** is crazy”.
Katie Holmes Reveling in Motherhood
Friday June 1 7:16 PM ET
Being the mother of Tom Cruise's baby daughter has been so much fun that Katie Holmes tells "Entertainment Tonight" she's ready to have more children.
"We're having the best time, it's so amazing," Holmes, 28, said of the year she and Cruise have spent largely out of the spotlight. She gave birth to the couple's first child, Suri, in April 2006.
"Yes, definitely," she told the TV program when asked about the possibility of more kids. “Why more children? We’re preparing the world for domination. World Cruise Control is upon you. You’ve been warned.” The interview airs Monday.
Cruise and his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, have a 12-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter, and Holmes said the role of stepmother/Queen-to-be is one she relishes.
"The kids are so sweet, they respond greatly to my role as future queen of the World Cruise Control movement. They’ve even given me a nickname, Queen Ki-Ki (pronounced Kee-kee she explains). I’ve accepted this name as you and all others soon will." she said. "We have so many kids in our house, creating an army of soldiers was practically a no-brainer."
The actress recently returned to work filming the movie "Mad Money" with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. However, we have been informed that Queen Latifah is no longer a part of the production. When asked why, an anonymous source close to the production informed us, “Katie insisted that there shall be only one Queen on this set. I think that b***** is crazy”.
Hannah Gansen - 6/4/07
Man Eats Dog to Protest Royal Family
LONDON (June 1) - A British performance artist has eaten part of a corgi -
the breed of dog that is the favorite pet of Queen Elizabeth II - to protest
the alleged mistreatment of animals by the royal family.
Mark McGowan set up a table on a London street Tuesday and dined on what he
said was the meat from a corgi in hopes of drawing attention to media
reports that Prince Philip, the queen's husband, had beaten a fox to death
during a hunt.
"We love our animals in Britain," McGowan told AP Television News. "Why is
it then that we then allow people - especially people who are supposed to be
ambassadors for this country - to treat animals with such disrespect…”
McGowan’s last words were inaudible after he was eaten by Queen Elizabeth II
in what appeared to be a protest against ridiculous protests.
“No,” The Queen Mother giggled with a piece of McGowan dangling from her
lips. “I skipped my afternoon tea and am quite famished.”
LONDON (June 1) - A British performance artist has eaten part of a corgi -
the breed of dog that is the favorite pet of Queen Elizabeth II - to protest
the alleged mistreatment of animals by the royal family.
Mark McGowan set up a table on a London street Tuesday and dined on what he
said was the meat from a corgi in hopes of drawing attention to media
reports that Prince Philip, the queen's husband, had beaten a fox to death
during a hunt.
"We love our animals in Britain," McGowan told AP Television News. "Why is
it then that we then allow people - especially people who are supposed to be
ambassadors for this country - to treat animals with such disrespect…”
McGowan’s last words were inaudible after he was eaten by Queen Elizabeth II
in what appeared to be a protest against ridiculous protests.
“No,” The Queen Mother giggled with a piece of McGowan dangling from her
lips. “I skipped my afternoon tea and am quite famished.”
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Tony Sam - 6/2/07
Weekly World News.com
Phantom Paddleboat Menaces Rec Center
April 9, 2007
GRUBER, Mich. -- Sightings of a ghostly paddle boat threaten to close the Whiskey Lake Recreation Center before the summer season begins.
"I saw a strange red glow on the water, the color of a sunburned kid," said Gavin Mott, the park's director. "There was a strong smell of tanning oil in the air, and the lake churned under invisible pedals."
"For a moment, I could make out a teenaged boy and girl paddling past the dock. But they vanished as quickly as they'd appeared, and the lake was calm again."
Something tells me it’s not called Whiskey Lake (gluggity glug glug) for nothing. Maybe it should be called Bullshit Story Lake.
In a related incident of non-threatening spectors, a ghost hang-glider had been reported dropping ghost daisies on passers-by at a Dairy Queen in Omaha, Nebraska, and a ghost unicorn shot ghost rainbows out of it’s ghost ass, in my mind just now, did you see it?
In another related story Banana Boat slated to jump on Ghost paddle boat money making machine with a new advertising campaign jingle, “Get on the Boat Yeah!, Banana Ghost Paddle Boat Yeah!”
Phantom Paddleboat Menaces Rec Center
April 9, 2007
GRUBER, Mich. -- Sightings of a ghostly paddle boat threaten to close the Whiskey Lake Recreation Center before the summer season begins.
"I saw a strange red glow on the water, the color of a sunburned kid," said Gavin Mott, the park's director. "There was a strong smell of tanning oil in the air, and the lake churned under invisible pedals."
"For a moment, I could make out a teenaged boy and girl paddling past the dock. But they vanished as quickly as they'd appeared, and the lake was calm again."
Something tells me it’s not called Whiskey Lake (gluggity glug glug) for nothing. Maybe it should be called Bullshit Story Lake.
In a related incident of non-threatening spectors, a ghost hang-glider had been reported dropping ghost daisies on passers-by at a Dairy Queen in Omaha, Nebraska, and a ghost unicorn shot ghost rainbows out of it’s ghost ass, in my mind just now, did you see it?
In another related story Banana Boat slated to jump on Ghost paddle boat money making machine with a new advertising campaign jingle, “Get on the Boat Yeah!, Banana Ghost Paddle Boat Yeah!”
Friday, June 1, 2007
Ken Barnard Reporting 6-1-07
POP STAND NEWS
6-1-07
By Ken Barnard
Researchers find 2,100 year-old melon
TOKYO - Archaeologists digging in western Japan have excavated what they believe to be the oldest remains of a melon ever found.
Based on a radiocarbon analysis, researchers estimate the piece of fruit to be about 2,100 years old, said Shuji Yamazaki, a local official in the city of Moriyama.
After realizing that carbon dating a 2,000-year-old fruit would be the height of their pathetic existence, the researchers promptly committed group suicide by jumping into the rotating blade of an Apache Helicopter.
How the Japanese archaeologists got access to the United States Army’s principal attack helicopter is not yet known.
Crocodile escapes from Ukrainian circus
KIEV, Ukraine - An animal trainer who brought a crocodile to the beach to drum up interest in a circus got some unwelcome publicity when it broke free and made off into a crowd of beach-goers.
The 3.2-foot crocodile, named Godzi, was found by local blacksmith Mykola Ranga and promptly wedded.
“Damn! That’s the second escaped reptile that we’ve lost to marriage,” said a worker at the Azova Zoo. “The women here in the Ukraine sure are ugly.”
Troopers find ton of pot in candy load
ST. PAUL, Minn. - Two men hauling more than 40,000 pounds of Jawbreaker candies also had some not-so-sweet freight, the Minnesota State Patrol said: nearly 1 1/2 tons of marijuana.
Luis Rene Avila and Juan Carlos appeared in federal court Thursday on charges of intent to distribute marijuana.
A search using Jawbreaker-sniffing dogs turned up the load during a traffic stop Tuesday near St. Paul.
Kent Bailey, acting special agent in charge of the Minneapolis-St. Paul office of the Drug Enforcement Administration, said the marijuana would be sold to buy more candy and the candy would probably be sold to buy more drugs.
"I initially thought about how we could give the candy away to kids. But I’m real good at selling things," he said. "Especially candy and drugs.”
The bust marks the first time that the Minneapolis-St. Paul Jawbreaker K-9 Unit assisted in an arrest.
“It was good getting in some real world experience,” said Bosco, a long-haired German Shepard. “Training was tough because we kept detecting cocaine and explosives instead of Jawbreakers. I’m just glad that all our hard work finally paid off”
6-1-07
By Ken Barnard
Researchers find 2,100 year-old melon
TOKYO - Archaeologists digging in western Japan have excavated what they believe to be the oldest remains of a melon ever found.
Based on a radiocarbon analysis, researchers estimate the piece of fruit to be about 2,100 years old, said Shuji Yamazaki, a local official in the city of Moriyama.
After realizing that carbon dating a 2,000-year-old fruit would be the height of their pathetic existence, the researchers promptly committed group suicide by jumping into the rotating blade of an Apache Helicopter.
How the Japanese archaeologists got access to the United States Army’s principal attack helicopter is not yet known.
Crocodile escapes from Ukrainian circus
KIEV, Ukraine - An animal trainer who brought a crocodile to the beach to drum up interest in a circus got some unwelcome publicity when it broke free and made off into a crowd of beach-goers.
The 3.2-foot crocodile, named Godzi, was found by local blacksmith Mykola Ranga and promptly wedded.
“Damn! That’s the second escaped reptile that we’ve lost to marriage,” said a worker at the Azova Zoo. “The women here in the Ukraine sure are ugly.”
Troopers find ton of pot in candy load
ST. PAUL, Minn. - Two men hauling more than 40,000 pounds of Jawbreaker candies also had some not-so-sweet freight, the Minnesota State Patrol said: nearly 1 1/2 tons of marijuana.
Luis Rene Avila and Juan Carlos appeared in federal court Thursday on charges of intent to distribute marijuana.
A search using Jawbreaker-sniffing dogs turned up the load during a traffic stop Tuesday near St. Paul.
Kent Bailey, acting special agent in charge of the Minneapolis-St. Paul office of the Drug Enforcement Administration, said the marijuana would be sold to buy more candy and the candy would probably be sold to buy more drugs.
"I initially thought about how we could give the candy away to kids. But I’m real good at selling things," he said. "Especially candy and drugs.”
The bust marks the first time that the Minneapolis-St. Paul Jawbreaker K-9 Unit assisted in an arrest.
“It was good getting in some real world experience,” said Bosco, a long-haired German Shepard. “Training was tough because we kept detecting cocaine and explosives instead of Jawbreakers. I’m just glad that all our hard work finally paid off”
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Welcome! Get ready for it....
Shhh...look behind you, Hi. It's us. What's that on your shoe? Bleck! It's us! We are the Pop Stand and we will be making you laugh while informing you what is going on in the world as we see it.
Look for our first live show at the Beat Kitchen, in Chicago, June 29th, 2007.
Later,
TPS
Look for our first live show at the Beat Kitchen, in Chicago, June 29th, 2007.
Later,
TPS
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
