Josh Cheney - 6/20/07

Less than 24 hours after Tiger Woods finished second
at the U.S. Open on Father�s Day, his wife gave birth
to a daughter (not a cub). Woods announced on his Web
site " www.tigerwoods.com " that Sam Alexis Woods was
born early Monday morning. Ten fingers, ten toes and
so far no tail or whiskers.

"Both Elin and Sam are doing well and resting
peacefully," Woods wrote. "We want to thank our
doctors and the hospital staff for all their dedicated
and hard work. This is truly a special time in our
lives and we look forward to introducing Sam to our
family and friends over the next few weeks. We thank
everyone for their well wishes and continued respect
of our privacy." Tiger then let out a booming roar,
startled his new son, and filmed another Nike
commericial.

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According to a study by the National Health and Social
Life Survey, the U.S. circumcision rate peaked at
nearly 90% in the early 1960s but began dropping in
the '70s. Snip-snip. By 2004 about 57% of all male
newborns delivered in hospitals were circumcised. In
some states, the rate is well below 50%.

Experts say immigration patterns play the biggest role
in the decline. Conversely, Barbara Streisand played
the biggest role of her life in the film Yentil.
Yentil was Jewish and Jewish people are typically
circumcized, so. The trend has also accompanied a
change in Americans� attitudes toward medicine and
their bodies. And everyone knows the best medicine is
to cut off the excess, unused skin on a man's penis.

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The much anticipated Apple iPhone is scheduled to
release on June 29th, lest God becomes angry. The
expectations of the phone are still rolling high, but
some critics are railing against its key features and
casting doubt/shame on the big gamble of Apple.

Bloggers have dubbed it the "Jesus phone". some
analysts have named it the "most anticipated consumer
product in the history of time. Except, maybe, food.
That kind of anticipation you don't see anymore.
You're talkin' pre-Jesus stuff, there. Did we mention
we've started calling it the Jesus phone? Well we
are."

Choosing to stay ahead of increasing demands, the
iPhone will also rub your back, make chili and help
with anxiety issues you may be experiencing with a
sibling. "Apple. Is there anything else we can do
for you? Oh, look. We've already done it."